The joys of grocery shopping on a Saturday.

Saturday is not my usual day to go to the grocery store. I have put it off for too long and now the cupboards are basically bare. I have my list and have checked the weather report. No lightening or storms on the horizon, time to go for it.

The parking lot seems to be somewhat full. This ought to be interesting. At least there are enough carts. Oh my, the place is packed! I’ll just relax and try to enjoy the process. I take a right turn into the bakery/deli section. A nice woman is offering bowls of ice cream for people to sample. I’m not talking about one of those little cups with a tiny spoon that you get in ice cream and frozen yogurt places. These are full blown plastic bowls and SCOOPS of ice cream with a drizzle of chocolate syrup and sprinkles. Wow, no wonder there was a ‘cart jam’. About 15 feet away, another woman is offering chocolate chip cookies. The samples are half of one of those large cookies that the store bakes and packages by the dozen. Another ‘cart jam’.

I’m not even out of the Deli section and now the samples are for some type of cheese. OMG, just let me through. I want to get to the produce section. PLEASE.

Whew, made it past that grouping. Really? Now? The produce guy is blocking the aisle so that he can restock the bagged salads, lettuce and cole slaw packs. It’s grocery cart derby time.

I reach in and grab a cole slaw bag and a package of salad greens. I start to push my cart forward and catch a glimpse a cart whizzing by. The husband is in search of something and the wife is hollering from about 10 yards away “Harry, grab the mushrooms while you’re over there.” Head down, this guy is taking no prisoners on his way to the mushrooms. Too bad I seem to be in his way. I pull back my cart and give him plenty of room.

Following behind, I grab some grapes, zucchini, celery, green onions and some mushrooms. He is over by the fresh fruit juices now. I pass on his left and zero in on the pre-cut fruit bowls.

 “Harry, get over here. I need help with the fruit. Do you want the mixed bowls or only watermelon?”

“Check the dates Agnes. I don’t want mushy fruit!” the man yells back.

 “You picked the fruit the last time Harry, it wasn’t my fault.” she replies. I’m glad that I’ve picked my fruit and am on my way to the another aisle.

The next aisle is crowded. You’d think free stuff is being given away. Nope, this is the canned vegetables, rice and pasta row. A mom, her cart with a toddler and two other kids in tow are right in front of me. The mom is trying to pull some cans off the shelf while the other two are running up and down the aisle. There’s a guy in one of the ‘scooter’ carts headed up the opposite way. Luckily, the mom calls the kids back before they reach the guy in the scooter. He isn’t even really looking where he is going. His wife is behind him putting things in her regular cart.

I grab my items, turn the cart around and leave the row. Next item on my list is Toilet paper. I’m looking for the row that I need to travel down when Harry and Agnes begin to argue about the type of beef they are going to buy. She wants hamburger, he wants steak. Come on, get both and be done with it. Freeze one and have it later. Better yet, buy the pork, it’s BOGO, ‘buy one get one’. No such luck. They continue to argue as I pass them. Cool, the toilet paper is BOGO too and on an end cap. No need to go down the paper goods section.

Scooter man is rounding the bend and runs into the mother with the kids. “Bet they keep you on your toes” he says.

 “Yes, they do.” she sighs.

I do not miss those days of grocery shopping with kids. I remember them well. Round up the kids, get them in the carseats. Drive to the store, get them out of the car seats. If I was lucky, one would want to be in the cart, sometimes both of them and I would just pile the few things needed around the one in the back. That was the best! Quick in and out with complete control! LOL. That didn’t last long though. Cart, list and two kids. Not a fast or easy trip to the store.

I’m finished with my list and head to the check out line. As luck would have it, scooter man and his wife are now arguing as to which line to get in. He claims that he only has 9 items so they should go into the express line. She has more than 10 items in her cart. She wants to go into another line. Meanwhile they are blocking access to 2 checkout lines with their bickering. The manager is really nice and says, “Let me take you both over here.”

‘Thank You.’ I say to myself. Not so fast, Agnes and Harry are rounding up the rear here and eyeing the different lines. They choose the line next to me.

“Harry, did you get the chips? We need chips for the kids later. I knew you would forget them.” Agnes starts in.

“I’ll go get them you save our place. I’ll be right back.” Harry tells her.

Agnes picked the faster moving line so she starts yelling at the top of her lungs, “Harry, hurry up. We’re next. Harry? Harry do you hear me?”

I’m thinking that if Harry was smart, he’d be out the door and waiting for her in the car. “Here I am Aggie. Don’t get your panties in a wad.”

Oh geez, did he really say that? I am so glad that I am almost finished. Saturdays at the grocery are interesting but I think I will stick to my Friday afternoon or Monday afternoon shopping trips. Less crowded and much quieter.

Do you have a special day for shopping?